TAKING BACK YOUR "KEY"... "The only way OUT is to go THROUGH..."

I’ve heard it said that those who say “NEVER” almost certainly will……so why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we bother using the 'N' word??

For those who don’t know, I wrote a single a while back entitled ‘AGAIN’ notice the absence of the word that shall remain nameless lol…..and guess what yep after singing/rapping about how i was never going to do it AGAIN!!! from the top of my lungs, in the hopes of gaining some kind of closure, you can guess what happened right?? Yesss people I did it ‘AGAIN’ and not in the Britney Spears sense of the word either lol. I did a complete 360 degree turn and returned to exactly where I left off. Right back to the same equation in the hopes of achieving a different answer…..Why???.

 

It’s just Monogamy Not maths.

It was a simple addition of you plus me,

U know those Promises about starting a family,

Trust me the logic aint hard to conceive

How you gonna build Love on the grounds if they’re weak???

You little cheat,

Trapped! in deceit,

Bet thought you could go and pull a fast one on me,

Till I went and pulled a card out right from my sleeve

And decided it’s time I subtracted me,

Please!!!

You should really comprehend with ease

It’s not something you should need explaining jheeze

It’s not algebra One plus two makes three,

If it’s YOU (plus) HER then (minus) ME

Coz my tables for 2 there’s no party for 3

Ménage a nuttin nah NOT me…..

Because there’s….. 2 many Fish in the sea!!!!

(NIA-JAI ©2008)

#KNOWURWORTH

 

 

Well it has been said that those who can’t do… TEACH and clearly whilst I hold no intentions of slating those among us who are wonderful teachers, rest assured in this instance this statement refers more so to me more than anyone else. I guess I write about love or the lack of it because at present I’m not living it. So if those who can’t do teach then I guess those who don’t have write lool. I have made such a mess of my Love Life in the past, that for the last 3 years or so I have been trying to rectify this problem (correction MY PROBLEM….) and unfortunately whilst I seem to have made significant progress I sure as hell haven’t cracked it yet. I figured that now that I have you guys to talk to, maybe for a change YOU might want to help me out, because anyone who knows me knows I clearly need it.

So todays blog will be the beginning of a much needed role reversal…..I’m going to highlight some of the problems I have been experiencing and you can feel free to enlighten me.

When it comes to me and 'Love' the penny just doesn’t seem to want to drop. Every time I turn a corner or make some kind of breakthrough it only lasts momentarily before I hit another dead end, forcing me to re-evaluate my path. The last book I read was Deepak Chopra’s “The Path to Love” and while theoretically gaining all this insight can’t be detrimental to me…it’s all good when you’re in a good place but as soon as that Black cloud reappears or you find yourself trying to continue navigate through the darkness without a flashlight things immediately get harder. I find myself writing songs, poems and more recently books/blogs on my ever insightful journey TO and THROUGH love but at present it just seems never ending. So how do you really gain closure?? Because from personal experience if a situation continues to persist or resurface from time to time then surely that means that it hasn’t been resolved?? As I am a result driven person you can understand my dilemma. Do both parties involved need to agree that it is over for it to ever really be over? And if that’s the case can you really get any closure by closing the door on a relationship if they still have a key???

Taking back the key to an apartment/house is a great physical representation of drawing a line but how often do we do pack our bags with a pre prepared, magnificently scripted monologue, make our grand exist in the dramatic closing scene …….only to find that actually we closed the door but FORGOT to take the key. And before you get carried away I don’t just mean to the door I mean the key to your HEART. Leaving someone, ending something, or even moving somewhere else does not = Letting Go. I’ve found that the process of moving on sometimes can take longer for others when they aren’t even aware that they haven’t moved on.

 On numerous occasions I have talked to people that truly believe in their hearts that they’ve gone through the break up steps from beginning to end and that they’ve healed and they’re ready to move on but I have come to find that usually people are as reluctant to be honest with themselves as they are with other people (MYSELF included) and with that said they tend to only deal with the symptoms rather than the condition neglecting that if you deal with the cause you wont need to search for a cure. 

Just because you’re mind has processed the end of a relationship and is ready to start again, doesn’t necessarily mean that your heart is in the same place. Too often once we have given away the key to our hearts we forget to get it back and we enter new relationships only to realise that they won't last. You manage to get to a certain point when the other person decides to give you their heart but then you wonder why you can’t reciprocate and give them yours. At first you may think that it’s because you just don’t feel the same but after a few failed attempts and the sudden realisation that there was nothing wrong with the people you were dating, you arrive at the understanding that you couldn’t GIVE your heart because it wasn’t there to give.

Now the hard the journey really begins because as anyone who has ever come out of the other end of heart ache will know,

"The only way out of the fire is to go through it."

And no you can’t go through the flames and expect your flesh not to get burnt but if your spirit is strong you can walk across hot coals and still be ok. I don’t know about you but I’m taking back my key today #FeelThePainBut DoItAnyway. Face your fears or whatever it is that you don’t want to hear and know that more often than not in life;

“ it’s not about avoiding the punches life throws at you BUT taking the hit and choosing to fight instead of quit” (Nia-Jai ©)

 

#ALWAYSLOVE <3

 

 

 

 

**WEEKEND SPECIAL **

Hey hey, Sooo here it is peeps your *WEEKENDSPECIAL. Sorry it wasn’t on Wednesday but as anyone who has ever tried to write knows you can’t force the hand (or keypad) of creativity and I Personally wouldn’t even want to. When I first started this blog it was because I was at a point in my life where my creative juices were flowing in abundance (as was the blossom hill lol) and I just had so much to say so it was easy for me. I would just open my lappy and start typing and in less than ten minutes there it was my blog for the week. But this week was different. Why I’m not entirely sure but if I was to hazard a guess it would definitely be something to do with the mixed emotions I am experiencing right now. So much in my life is going so well right now and I am truly thankful for that but certain aspects are clearly far from resolved and as usual these are what we naturally focus on. So when I began typing on Tuesday night with everything set up minus my #GlassOfVino (which was replaced by a cup of Mauritian vanilla tea instead #MyFavourite) I must have only typed BLOG 016 by the time I had finished my tea L. I just kept starting to write and then drifting off into my head which although usually this would be an interesting place to be (Overactive Imagination) this time that wasn’t the case. It was more like the fuzzed out static that you get on broken TV’s with the annoying high pitched beeping sound to accompany it lol it might as well have had that typical screen voice over saying ‘we interrupt this broadcast to give you nothing but noise”. Ordinarily I’m such a focused person which is why this whole ‘Drifting Off’ thing really doesn’t work for me, so every time I would come back to the screen and try and start where I left off I couldn’t….I had lost my trend of thought……I had lost my capacity to formulate sentences and for the first time EVER I had lost my ability to articulate what I was thinking…..I was just LOST full stop!!! Until, this morning that is. As some of you will know ‘Sunday Mornings’ are one of my favourites. It’s the one time in the week where I refuse to work or do anything work related, I literally take that time to reflect on the weeks activities and how god miraculously got me through them. Evidently it was early this morning when I was trying to understand why it was that I couldn’t write my blog this week when I suddenly had a moment of clarity, I couldn’t express what I was thinking because I WASN’T THINKING!!!. So much was going on in my head consciously or not that I hadn’t been managing to sleep properly, my senses were being over stimulated and my brain had decided to just SHUT DOWN.

This was Something that I used to do all the time as a defence mechanism, when things got too much I would just switch off, kind of like the ostrich in the sand scenario. But this hadn’t happened to me for a long time though because when it comes to matters of practicality and running of my daily life motherhood had brought me up to speed and now I can multi-task with the best of them. I learnt the art of balance and letting go of that which you can’t control a few years ago but for some reason when it comes to matters of the heart these same said philosophies don’t seem to apply?!? I’m the kind of person that is either ALL in or ALL out, I’m either involved or I am not and I can’t seem to find a happy middle ground. I guess that’s my personality all over really I’m an extremist by nature which is why it’s been so hard for me these days trying to live a more Healthy Balanced Life style. I won’t lie I used to live in a black and white world where everything was always so clear to me, right or wrong, left or right, yes or no….but LOVE came and shook that right out of me and right now the world that I live in is a multifaceted tonal palette of grey (not quite 50 shades though lol) but It showed me that no matter who you are the one thing that cannot be CONTROLLED is LOVE.

This week indirectly that’s what I was trying to do I guess. I was concentrating so hard on staying focused on the things that matter so that I wouldn’t think of things that I was feeling… but it didn’t work though L all it did was BLOCK me.  Trying to supress heightened emotions of anger and frustration from the things I couldn’t control, pushing back emotions that were trying to surface because now I didn’t want to face the complications or ramifications of them….all just led to a metaphorical melt down.

The problem with shutting off the love you have for someone else is that there is ONLY one door to love…you either have it open and let it in or you close it and shut it out. I made the mistake when trying to gain closure properly of trying to stop loving the person who I was no longer with and found out the hard way that that was never going to be achievable. If you truly do love someone I don’t think that you will ever stop just because you can’t be with them anymore. It’s more a case of learning to love you, MORE rather than love them LESS if that makes any sense. I reckon when you start focusing on loving yourself more then you will a) recognise when it isn’t reciprocated and b) refuse to accept anything less than the love that you are willing to give and this is when you will get FULL CLOSURE. When you finally learn that moving on is a choice that doesn’t require you to stop loving that person first as a direct requisite.

 “I Love you BUT I Love ME More” (NIA-JAI ©).

When you choose this path you leave the door to Love Open and increase the chances of you finding it again. In the process of my brain trying to ORDER my heart to not feel what it feels it resulted in a civil war between my head and my heart. Loving someone that for one reason or another you can’t be with is just as frustrating as falling for someone who has no intention of falling with you. But the key is to flow with it, allow yourself to feel the emotions both positive and negative but don’t allow your FEELINGS to make your decisions for you. As we all know supressing anything only aids to increase the urge so “Don’t Fight it, Feel it” (Nia-Jai ©)

If you have fallen out of love with someone because they have hurt you badly hating them will not help heal you. You may FEEL hurt but you don’t need to ACT on it. You may like someone very much but find that the feelings are not mutual, or be attracted to someone a lot but know that the situation would not be productive in which case you can FEEL Lust/Love but you don’t need to ACT on it.

“Discipline is the difference between knowing what you want NOW and what you want MOST” I don’t know who’s quote that is but all I know is that over the last few weeks it has been my saving grace. It’s so simple but so effective and I just repeat it to myself every time I’m having a ‘Moment of Weakness’ lol

In other words “never make permanent decisions based on a temporary situation” (Nia-Jai © ) Emotions are Energy in motion which means that they are transient, flippant, ever changing, they are as temperamental as the weather they blow hot and cold at any given moment, is this really what you would want to base your life changing decisions off. Take them into account by all means (they can often be good indicators) but they shouldn’t be the primary and sole source from which you make your final decision.

If you could do anything different now to change what has happened in your past would you?? Wait before you reel off the predictable answer of ‘no because everything happens for a reason’ be truthful with yourself. I know that when I used to ask myself that question every single time my initial response was HELL YES of course I would want to right my wrongs and ease the pain of regret but I now know more than anyone that it’s not about that. “It is what it is and I AM what I AM, I don’t make Excuses I just take a stand” (Nia-Jai ©)

Why worry about changing the past when you could focus on building your future…. “It’s Not how you start BUT how you Finish”

That’s it guys the week in the mind of Mz M@nni hope it was worth the wait J apologies for my writers block.

 #ALWAYSlOVE <3

 

"THE QUESTION ISN'T CAN YOU....ITS WILL YOU"

Hey Hey, welcome back loyal readers, this week anyone who follows me on twitter or Facebook will know that I’ve been reflecting on the concept of ‘Self-Control’ in a few different areas of my life, mainly because for the most part I have always been a caution to the wind, go with the moment and let it flow kind of girl but now that I’m fast approaching the exit of my ‘twenteens’ things have started to change. More importantly I have decided to change.

Since the beginning of the year after setting the infamous New Year’s resolutions, I have been on a quest to fulfil them. One of the main goals near the top of my list was to get fitter and lose weight in the process, so I wrote down my body measurements as they were and set new ones that I wanted to achieve, under the premise that ‘if you look better, you’ll feel better and if you feel better then you’ll do better’ but knowing what you want is the easy step its implementing what you ‘NEED’ to do in order to get it that’s hard. For instance I knew I wanted fabulous abs like J-Lo but after having two children I knew it was not going to be easy and that it would take a lot of hard work and dedication. So I joined a fitness class and attended just once a week at first because that’s all I could fit into my hectic schedule but as I gained confidence and started seeing results it gave me the impetus to do more, However I knew I wasn’t at the stage yet where I could push myself to get the results that I was aiming for so I started doing sessions with a personal trainer and literally before I knew it I was addicted to getting fitter, pushing myself and driving forward to beat my previous targets. It fascinated me because when I first started the prospect of completing a 10k challenge seemed so far removed from my reality and now I’m doing 12k challenges which make the 10k seem easy I guess what I am saying is that things can seem hard and out of reach at first but once you get started and gain momentum before you know it you’ve crossed the finish line and are stood wondering whatever made you think you couldn’t do it in the first place. I have to be honest initially when I began workout sessions with #CXF, I was training to look good with the intention of eventually looking good while training ;-) but along the way my aims and thoughts changed. I realised that all the work I was putting in was actually benefiting my overall life full stop. For example when it came to everyday tasks like walking up two flights of stairs with all my shopping  and my prince in hand I was no longer  feeling weak, out of breath or worst still sorry for myself it was apparent my body had changed because now what was once a nightmare suddenly felt easy, (I’d become stronger). Also random things like, feeling happy and silently wanting to high5 myself for not flying down the aisle when the bus jerks because you realise all the core strength training has paid offJ. I started playing outside with my children more than usual because I had more energy and was no longer feeling lethargic or restless.

The results of trying to better myself physically had actually filtered down through to other areas of my life as I started to apply the same principles that I use in the gym to achieve my outcomes. Basically I realised that just as my Personal trainer would say to me  “Don’t give Up, Dig In…this is where you get results” was exactly the same for real life, you can’t just check out when it gets hard. It’s the decisions you make DURING a challenge that count and how you handle a storm whilst in the midst of it that reveals your true strength. Anyone can make the right choice after the event or with hindsight but the difference between success and failure is often SELF-CONTROL whether it’s in terms of your relationships, your career or your personal life.

I knew that when I embarked on the road to health and fitness somewhere along the line my dietary habits would be called into question but as we all do I put it off for as long as possible. To be fair my diet wasn’t all that bad to begin with but I just had few little things that I liked to indulge in i.e. chocolate, carbonated drinks and alcohol. Luckily for me I get heart palpitations when I drink caffeine so red bull and coffee had already been crossed off the list for me; however it was what was going to have to come off next that scared me the most lol. Needless to say it took me a good 6 months or so to finally set the goal for a 28 day detox consisting of #NOALCOHOL and #NOFIZZYDRINKS. I was inspired by the whole ‘STOPtober’ campaign for smokers and decided it was definitely time. 10 days in and I’m doing a lot better than I have in the past  where my withdrawal symptoms would kick in after just 2 days lol, granted I’m not where I need to be but I’m certainly not where I used to be and what seemed unrealistic six months ago now seems attainable with only 18 days left. I think the key is to start small with goals that are achievable then as you start ticking them off and getting more confident up the levels and test yourself you never know what you’re capable of until you try and whatever you do check your motives. Don’t set goals based on what your peers/colleagues are doing or how they’re living, set them according to your wants and desires. If you set your mind about something and you have a genuine reason as to why you’re doing it, the chances are that you will be more likely to successfully complete it.

Ask yourself are you doing what you NEED to, to get what you WANT???

(If you want a body like Kim Kardashian or Kate Moss, Serena Williams or Kelly Rowland….. is eating unhealthily, not exercising regularly and just generally wishing for it really going to get you that????)

If you want a High powered job or just a job in general….. Is not actively looking for one or not honing your existing skills really going to get you that???

If you want a settled loving relationship……is going out every night and getting wasted going to provide that???

….. Kenneth Blanchard said, “There’s a difference between Interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it ONLY if it’s convenient. When you’re committed to doing something, you accept NO excuses only results”

Commitment to finish what you start shows character. We all want a better life but “The difference between WANT and NEED is SELF-CONTROL!!!” DO what you NEED to even when you DON’T FEEL to and #ALWAYSLOVE <3

'SAME OL' SAME OL' .....JUST A DIFFERENT FACE !!

So is it true do we all have a ‘type’?

How does attraction work?

Are you just attracted to the same gift but in different wrappers?

I’m saying this because if one goes through a series of failed relationships and the only common denominator is THEM then isnt that indicative of whom the problem lies with?? I’m just saying, I bet this is one time when you’d love to hear that phrase… ‘no its not you babes it’s me’  lol.

And is there at least some kind of reset button we can press in case of emergency when a relationship is malfunctioning or as in most cases stuck on REPEAT?

Its official I seem to have all of the questions but barely any answers and these days the revelations that I do receive seem to be somewhat perplexing and subject to change anyway, which I suppose should be expected considering you can’t have growth without it. But this weeks blog was inspired by a situation that got me thinking..... if our 'situations' aren’t changing then are we really growing?

The other day I got a call from a good friend of mine who was once again experiencing  some relationship troubles. So we decided to go right back to the beginning and looked over all of her past boyfriends right up to present date. Immediately I noticed a striking similarity between ALL of them. Although she had decided now that she was done and dusted with always facing the same problems and was going to go for something completely different i.e. not her ‘usual type’ she still found herself stuck in some sort of groundhogs day …. So whilst on this ambitious quest for change, first she picked a boy from a completely different ethnic background only to find that this relationship started and ended exactly the same way too. At which point she was even more convinced that the age old cliché ‘ALL MEN ARE THE SAME’ was right on the money. Then she chose a guy who aesthetically some would say wasn’t ‘conventionally handsome’ i.e. the complete opposite to her usual ‘pretty boy’ type and suffice to say the results for this brief encounter were the same finally she went for a guy from a completely different social circle who’s likes and interests were so diverse and different to her own in the hopes that he couldn’t possibly mirror her past relationships!! So what do you think happened? Yep history repeated itself but not because ALL guys are the same because unknowingly she had actually PICKED the same characteristics in each guy. She was dating ‘The same Ol’ Same Ol’ but with just a different face,' She was trying to change everyone and everything about her situation apart from HERSELF and If you think about it how many times do we do the same. Reflect back on some of your past relationships can you see any similarities?? between the people you dated? I know for a fact my ex can, he definitely has a type and its ‘not me’ loool….no I’m playing but on a real though his last girlfriend basically was the same ethnicity as me, had the same hairstyle as mine at the time, was born in the same month of the same year, literally 2 days before me. (personally I just think he was trying to clone me and lets be real who wouldn’t want to ha!!) But back to the point, what do you look for in a person? What traits are you attracted to both physically and personality wise?? Obviously if you are already loved up currently then you probably already got it right but for some of us who have checked into 'Singledom' on either a long-term or short term residency these are pivotal questions that we need to be asking ourselves because for one reason or another something isn’t working. Stating the problem is the easy part (well for some of us) but identifying the solution not so much. I think personally it’s because we’re not getting to the root of the problem. We’re cutting off branches/people left right and centre, or in some cases cutting down the whole tree, shouting ‘Timmmmberrr’ and rejoicing prematurely because we think we’ve got rid of the problem. Only we haven’t because we didn’t de-root the tree. So then we stand there looking puzzled when to our amazement the same tree/problem has sprouted up again…..really though??

If you want a BETTER life make BETTER choices…..

If you want a BETTER partner, be a BETTER person…..

If you want to BE loved more, then BE more loving……….. basically whatever you want more of in your life you have to be more of.

Take your last 3 relationships for example and try and find the real reason behind/underneath why they didn’t work out because as much as we would all love to blame the ‘other person’ in reality it’s on US and the sooner we start to take responsibility for that the happier we will be and the more likely we will be to find mutually fulfilling relationships. I’m not saying that on the surface the PROBLEM wasn’t THEM I’m just saying that the SOLUTION is YOU. Ask yourself some questions when you’re lying down at night and no one is around and answer them truthfully. If your last boyfriend/girlfriend was a waste then WHY were you attracted to them? Or WHY did you CHOOSE to love them? And if he/she kept mistreating you then why did YOU choose to stay? You may WANT love but deep down do you think you DESERVE it? If you’re constantly running after people who are running away from you then why do you want what is unattainable? Is it just a way of reinforcing your misguided personal belief that you are not loveable? I think the reason why they say Learn to Love yourself is because you have to do exactly that, LEARN to love yourself. I don’t mean just paying the good old lip service of ‘yeah of course I love myself who wouldn’t’ or hiding behind a false bravado/fake confidence, so no one else knows the truth. I mean TRULY LOVING YOURSELF.

Why do you want what you don’t have? Or if you’re in a relationship out of convenience and you’re just choosing to settle then why do you have what you don’t want? It all boils down to lack of honesty with yourself dig a little deeper.

Because the answer is not in what they did to you it’s in what you’re not doing for yourself….’ITS ALL ABOUT OWNERSHIP’

So I guess the moral of the blog is ‘Know that the onus is on you and watch the tree from which you pick your fruits because an apple can look shiny on the surface but be rotten through and through.’ ©Nia-Jai 2012

 

#ALWAYS LOVE <3

THAT MOMENT WHEN.....PT 2 !!

“Where there is DESIRE, there is gonna be a FLAME…..and Where there is a Flame Someone’s Gonna get BURNED….But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die……You Gotta get up and TRY & TRY & TRY!!” (P!NK)

Well what better way to start today’s blog than with a quote from one of my favourite artists NEW album (The Truth about Love ) which so aptly ties in with  the theme of this week’s dilemma, That Moment When….YOU REALISE YOU WANT MORE THAN JUST A MOMENT!!

So this week has been, eventful shall we say. I was presented with a proposition where what should have been an easy answer turned out to be a difficult decision. Don’t worry I’m not going to tie you up in riddles and go around the houses with this one I’m going to get straight to it. (seeing as I know some of you think every blog I write is like a novel, I shall try and keep this one short and sweet just like me ;-)

But before I do, I would just like to point out that today’s blog is rated NFC/GFO  (not for children) (Grown Folk Only) and should maybe be more of an evening read than a morning one ;-). Also Ladies you might want to grab a glass of wine, put some mood music on and take a trip down memory lane with me (don’t worry you’ll understand soon enough). I apologise in advance for anyone who might take offence by what they are about to read but tonight I’m tapping into the side of me which is currently being neglected in a major way, in the attempts to legitimately release some tension.  Any whoo, So someone who shall remain nameless kindly pointed out to me recently that SEX is a beautiful thing and is TOOO good to be missing out on while waiting on Mr right to turn up….. yeah I know pretty brazen right? And I have to say I was taken aback for a minute. My initial reaction was like excuse you!!!  what kind of woman do you take me for but then as I got over my ego and he continued to explain his rationale behind this bold statement I realised that he actually had a point to a certain extent. Sex is or can definitely be good/ GREAT  but sex with someone you LOVE can be AMAZING!!!!!! I mean level with me for a second surely anyone who has been fortunate enough to have sex with someone they love knows there is a BIG DIFFERENCE right? (And if your answer is NO I would just like to point out that you probably weren’t in love sorry) I would even go as far as saying a HUGE difference, but for arguments sake just close your eyes with me for a minute, I want you to go back to the last time you were with the person you Love or loved and remember exactly what it felt like before, during and after the first time you had sex with that person……….focus on every intimate detail. For some of you, you will be able to instantly feel exactly how you felt in that moment when you made love for the first time. That moment when you couldn’t catch your breath because your heart was pounding so hard and just looking in their eyes made your whole body melt, that moment when every kiss and every touch sent shivers down your spine and you just wished that you could freeze time…that moment when one night felt like a life time.

Now flash back to the first time you had sex with someone you were attracted to but not in love with, where the chemical attraction was overwhelming. I mean you couldn’t even be in the same room as said person without wanting to rip their clothes off. That moment when the person just has to look at you, or stand next to you and you could have an orgasm. Yeah that moment right there when you finally succumb and realise that you can’t fight it anymore and nor do you don’t want to. For 5 minutes of your blissful life you’re in ecstasy and flying high until……… it’s over and that’s it!! You come crashing down to earth and have to exit your temporary euphoric state with nothing else than what you came with. (No pun intended)

Now returning to what I said previously, remember how you felt before, during and after both events what’s the difference??? Do I even need to point it out? Ok I will. Let’s start with the similarities, BOTH can start with passion and intensity, BOTH can exhilarate your body and take you on the ride of your life BUT only ONE will be there when the rides over. ONE fills a void the other just supresses it. ONE is gratifying to your mind, body and soul the other is just release for your body. ONE leaves you feeling filled and whole the other leaves you feeling emptier than you did in the first place. So why was I so confused about what to do with my out of the blue proposition??? because ladies and gentlemen…..I AM HUMAN and I have a needs, so although my mind knows categorically I should just say NO my body clearly has a ‘mind’ of its own and was screaming Yes. Alas I was conflicted, some would say stuck between a hard place and a rock (I would say that doesn’t sound like a bad place to be right about now, against the wall could be good loooool  sorry!! my bad) but honestly ladies if you saw the guy in question you would fully understand my dilemma. In fact you know what for arguments sake ima break it down for y’all so you can fully appreciate my situation. Imagine that person that you are OVERLY attracted to, you don’t know why but the chemistry is intense. You find it difficult to concentrate on anything when they’re a round, and you can’t even look them their eyes because it’s too dangerous …so much so that you try your best to avoid eye contact on all accounts because trust me not even my will power stands a chance. They stand near you and you have to step back to maintain physical distance, you anticipate EVERY touch even if accidental and as for the way they look…..pfft  visual stimulation can definitely be a bitch. Worse still is knowing that the sex with that person is good because you’ve been there done that so you’re mind starts racing and  you’re thinking well why should I window shop if I could cop that??? Well my friends because every ‘purchase’ comes at a price and so the question becomes are you willing to pay that price??

Soooo you wanna know don’t you??? did I or didn’t I ???? Well NO I didn’t because I realised that actually as tempting as it all seemed I knew I wanted “MORE than just a moment” and luckily for me I have been practicing abstaining from following my feelings, seeing as they always seem to lead me down the garden path or into a pit full of snakes.        (although it is said that resistance is futile so pray for me people lol) For you men out there it would probably be the equivalent of like Beyoncé or shakira offering themselves to you on a plate and you having to politely decline…..EXACTLY!!! Now you feel my pain don’t ya ??

However I did learn a long time ago though that ‘what you need and what you want are two different things’ and irrespective of my ever increasing sexual frustration L  sex outside of love is JUST NOT what I’m looking for and (repeat with me now) “ Doing the Same things and expecting Different results is what???? The DEFINITION OF INSANITY” 

So to wrap this up neatly, I don’t know about you but as I’m continuing to slide up the age scale onto the better side of 25 lol a lot of things are changing for me, in particular my thought process. I can honestly say when I look back on the way I used to see life it was definitely through the eyes of a child. I was lead well, actually I was more like handcuffed and controlled by my feelings and going along with whatever felt good but for those of you who don’t already know,  “what feels good doesn’t necessarily heal good” (Nia-Jai ©) if you catch my drift and Making impulsive decisions, going off on a whim, doing what you feel too with no regard for what comes next will ONLY ever lead you to one place and that’s the ‘Road 2Regret’. So I did the right thing, which means I finally learnt my lesson from the last time I got burnt, but for those of you who have only just made that mistake like P!nk says just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die after all I didn’t or I haven’t (YET!!) and you know what they say “Good Things come to those who wait right?” well I’m just hoping God decides to send something good my way pretty soon lol… But until then take it from someone who knows if you weren’t fortunate enough to have ever been told….

 “Do what you NEED to NOT what you FEEL to…..IGNORANCE ISNT BLISS it just lands you in Sh!t” (Nia-Jai 2012 ©)

Till next Wednesday Ima Love ya and Leave ya ;-)

#ALWAYS LOVE

“To be or Not to be Heart (BROKE) n…”

Well, well, well,  now my fellow ‘Nosey’ so and so’s thank you for joining me once again on another fine Wednesday Morning, even though technically for me it’s actually a Tuesday night and its approximately 22:56 lol. It is rapidly becoming one of my favourite evenings that I look forward to the most if I’m honest. I tuck my kiddiewinks in bed and evidently get in with them, seeing as my prince is refusing point blank to sleep in his own cot now and my Princess obviously has pleaded her case very strongly too. On the basis that, what’s good for the goose should surely be good for the gander unless, I’m sexist or "favourtist" or something Hahaha now how I could I argue with that… (Hence there were 3 in the bed even though mummy said move over, move over….preferably to your own beds) lol. It’s cool though, besides the fact that there is clearly no ‘Love of my Life’ warming up my bed, I can’t deny that I love all the cuddles through the night just not so much the random fists flying and flinging of legs that always land on target like they have some sort of heating seeking device attached to them. (Yes I have actually woken up with a swollen lip on a few occasions and although my lips are quite full anyway YES!! you could see the difference).

Anyway enough about me, let’s get into it. Tonight as I was lying in bed I was thinking what should I blog about today? what inspires me to write? I pulled out my lappy and opened up my iTunes, clicked on the ‘GENIUS’ button to select a playlist for me to write to which might I add can only be described as ‘GENIUS’ and my NEW best friend of course (sorry Lissa) and it came to mind that aside from music, two of the biggest driving forces that will always force creativity’s hand for me are 1) Being Heart-BROKE-n or 2) Being BROKE. Whenever I have been in either situation in the past I have definitely produced some of my best work, I dont know why? maybe its because its like the wake up call that I needed in order to fix up and refocus. Maybe its because thats the only time that I have got to write about life because I am no longer too busy living it lol. It truly does amaze me but the only thing I do know is that usually God will only remove something/someone from your life when he needs you to focus on something else and he will never take away from you something which he is not willing to give back you 'ugraded' at that ;-)

So tell me something if you had the choice of being BROKE or HeartBROKEn which would you choose?? (I know smart alecs you would rather not choose any but just humor me for a minute and answer the question honestly). You see for me it’s easy I would choose being broke EVERY single time. I know from personal experience that I could be broke as a joke BUT be in love and feel like the richest person in the world. Let’s be real even with the lack of job opportunities in the current work climate, I would hedge my bets that it would still be easier to find a job than to find love. Plus when you’re in Love you’re operating at a higher energy frequency anyway so the likelihood of attracting lucrative opportunities is greater. I do believe that “if you do what you love, people will love what you do” (Nia-Jai 2011) and where love is flowing freely, finance follows…..or you might prefer how the ever so insightful Joker so eloquently phrased it “Never do something that you’re good at for FREE” ha-ha. I realise though that this is not the case for everyone in fact for a lot of my male peers (sorry to bait you up) but they find being BROKE is a lot worse. Now at the risk of sounding judgemental and downright sexist in all honesty MONEY is to (SOME) men what LOVE is to (MOST) women lol. Men’s lives seem to fall apart at the seams without Finance, they appear to spend their lives chasing money as a way of validating there existence and their manhood, whilst women appear to chase LOVE in the hopes of baring children and validating their womanhood.  Is it just that we have an innate, inbuilt honing device, where by men look to provide and women to nurture? Or is it that men equate being rich and being successful as one in the same? So if you’re rich you’re successful and if you’re successful then you’re rich?? And what about women do you feel the same? For most women that I know they don’t define success in the same manner per say. Being Rich doesn’t necessarily make for a good wife or mother and more times being a good wife or mother doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be rich? All I’m saying is that if MEN chase money and WOMEN chase LOVE/MEN, then effectively shouldn’t women be getting the best of both worlds so that when they find love they find money too???????  Yeah right in an ideal world maybe but these days you’re lucky to find a man with a job much less money looooool *PIPE DOWN ALREADY* I’m clearly just speaking about ‘boys’ of course not you REAL men out there that are holding it down….(even though the age range for being classed as a boy must have clearly changed if that’s the case because last time I checked being 30-35 year old men, who are fit for work but find ay excuse not to is a JOKE!! and as for playing the whole ‘not guilty, blame it on the system’ card for their reasons of unemployment when there are some men that are holding down 2-3 jobs just to provide is unacceptable pfft REALLY THOUGH!!!! Sorry that’s a whole other blog my bad, but you guys know me by now, going off on random rants sometimes I can’t help it :-/

I don’t know like I said it’s just some food for thought, I mean realistically I wouldn’t like to be either Broke or Heartbroken but I cant help but notice a correlation between me being heart broken equalling me being inspired. Sometimes I think maybe pain really is the petrol that drives me. Alas, I would DEFINITELY rather be with a 'Broke Guy' who knows what LOVE is then a 'Rich Guy' who would put Money over me, because where as one has potential the other is potentially dangerous!!! (REAL TALK) But let me be clear people there is a difference between a Man who is 'Broke' and a 'BROKE' Guy……… Let me clarify:

A MAN THAT IS BROKE: is a man that is currently in a place of financial hardship but has enough drive and determination to succeed.  He is doing all that he can to change his situation which means that his current financial status is transient and he has potential to be GREAT. I.e. he is financially broke but his character is rich (THIS IS CAN WORK WITH)

A BROKE ASS MAN: however is a man that fantasises about being rich, and winning the lottery but has no drive and ambition or any intention of putting the work in to be successful….he is all wishbone and no backbone and is not only Financially broke but is probably morally and spiritually bankrupt too. (THIS I CAN’T STAND)

What do you reckon guys? Enlighten me after all wisdom is power right?

Sooo yes all this came just from me thinking what inspires my creative process? And for me the answer is LOVE or lack of it. Both pleasure and Pain, being in love or heartbroken are predominantly the main ‘Driving Forces’ on ‘My Road to Greatness’ via the path of revelation of course. That said I shall be kind enough to leave you with a little gift. A poem I wrote on the 09^th December 2009 when I was just beginning the initial stages of my spiritual awakening……ENJOY J

 

ON THE ROAD TO GREATNESS…

You have to GO through Pain,

Move away from Blame,

Bypass Shame

And when you reach the fork road

Choose the RIGHT lane.

Avoid the pot holes,

And dodgy ass roads

Pay attention to road signs

That says ‘GO SLOW’

Be careful of speed bumps,

Or stopping in zones,

That are clearly marked ‘You can ONLY load’

Because that Careless flippant attitude will get you towed,

NO!!!!!!!

Not ALL roads lead to Rome,

Some really are a No go zone,

Check your reserves, if your Prides running low

Because running on Empty won’t get you HOME!!!!!!!

To be Continued………………………………

(NIA-JAI 2009)©

#ALWAYS LOVE <3

"THAT MOMENT WHEN PT1......"

Good Morning people its Wednesday it’s the Morning and guess what My Blog is on time….you’re welcome lol, (those who know me can hi5 me when you see me :) so what’s new with me? Well a lot really, within the last 7 days of not speaking to you so much has happened but  I will try my best to pick the most relevant bit and summarise it in as few words as possible, i.e. leave out the waffle and just give you the syrup aka the juicy bits.

Where to begin? Well we can start at the end and finish at the beginning maybe? Seeing as that’s generally how my thought process works, I know it’s backwards but that’s just me I’ve adjusted to it now so you might want to tooJ.  It was the (oh so dreaded by many) Monday morning, I had dropped the children off at school with five minutes to spare and was feeling super organised. All in all I was pumped for the week ahead. Next to Sunday mornings and Friday evenings Monday is surprisingly one of my favourite days of the week, everything was running seemingly perfectly…..until……it came!!  What did? I hear you shriek. That moment that I was hoping would never come even though I knew inevitably it would. True to form it arrived prematurely via sms don’t you know!! And it read …. “Good morning I read your blog x” which I know what you’re probably thinking, ordinarily that should read as a good message right?? And yes to most it would appear that way until you take the circumstances into consideration. I.e. who the message was from (my Ex) and what the blog was that he read (What the blog are you talking about?) 

************************************silence****************************************

Yep that moment when your stomach drops and you close your eyes hoping to unsee what you just saw, frantically pressing the backup button on your galaxy Samsung S2 (which incidentally caused it to freeze for about the next 5 secs but did NOT erase the messageL)*breathe* So anyway once acceptance had kicked in and I had passed the denial phase I had no choice but to address the message. I figured that knowledge is power so I sat there for the next ten minutes #OnMySherlockHolmes trying to decipher what exactly my ex in question was thinking. (Yes I am aware looking back now that in hindsight trying to understand the workings of a man’s mind is never really wise is it? especially when it happens to be MY ex who is directly my polar opposite) but none the less I sat there thinking, did he like it? Did he hate it? Why did he only put 1kiss?  Do I have to start watching my back or is he going to play the “silent assassin card” and smile in my face then when I least expect it BLAAAAAM!!! He’ll find a way to take me out??? Hahaha Better yet is he going to just out and out declare war and should I be applying to the witness protection programme right about now !!!! As you can see sometimes I get a little ahead of myself, (read too many comic books as a child) but trust me I have learnt from past experience once you pierce a man’s pride or deflate his puffed up ego on any level!! NEVER underestimate the lengths that he will go to, to get his balls back lol. So then finally after much procrastination and deliberation, came the stage of taking action, I hit the dial button and decided that for want of not letting things get lost in translation and leaving as little room as possible for miscommunication, speaking instead of texting was my best bet. After all we know how certain people love to speak in subtext now don’t we J anyway basically he answered the phone and as predicted the anticipation of the situation was a lot worse than the actual outcome….There were no fireworks, and no need for me to dust off P!nks “so what” anthem to dance around the house to, as he took it quite well.  He was actually surprisingly supportive of my writing and the way I apparently make it “easy for the reader to relate” himself included (his words not mine).  I guess this might be a good time for me to give him a shout out actually seeing as now I know he’s probably reading this apprehensively, with his eyebrow raised and that perplexed look on his face thinking, ‘what the heck has she come out with this time??’ “don’t worry babes your secrets are safe with me and my fellow readers ALL over the WORLD!!!!” Hahaha

 (speaking of can I say a big hello and thank you to all the new readers  in Poland, China, and Ireland now, it’s very encouraging for me to keep doing what I’m doing J and very humbling to know that anyone actually cares to read what I write )

Alas back to the matter at hand I’m sure some of you guys can understand fully how I felt in that moment. That moment when what’s happened in your past comes to greet you in your future. I mean let’s be honest re-visits of any kind are never really a good thing and they never leave a nice taste in your mouth either and this was no different (ha-ha did you just imagine throwing up in your mouth a little eeew) anyway, so I made a decision a week ago to get a little more personal in my blogs. At the time I knew there would be a chance that they might be met with a little resistance but it was a choice I made and for once I was actually happy with, so far so good. But how many times have you done something like that in the past and then regretted the somewhat impulsive decision pretty much straight after you made it, or you make a decision based on how you felt in that moment only to awake and think ‘what the *blank* have I done???’ Um hmm like I always say with “instant gratification comes great ramifications”.

Life is pretty much a series of events that occur based on the decisions WE make. It doesn’t just happen to us like some would like to believe.  Our thoughts shape our perspectives which in turn dictate how we respond to situations. The problem being that a lot of times we let our emotions make our decisions for us. We act on how we feel or don’t feel instead of trying to make a choice indicative of what’s right or wrong or just best. It’s understandable why we do it, obviously it’s easier to do what we want or what feels good to us with no consideration of what the knock on effects to everyone else around us will be….but it would be pretty ignorant/naive to believe that the choices we make don’t have a direct impact on our collective consciousness.  I reckon Karma is like the universes way of levelling out the playing fields and balancing out all the poor decisions that WE as a collective make on a daily basis. One thing always leads to another and as so eloquently put in Sir Isaacs Newtons third law of motion ‘for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction’ as such what we think and do as individuals one way or another always impacts on everyone. I think maybe if we paid more attention to the decisions we make instead of just making them on a whim we may not have to face so many unnecessary consequences because like it or not, agree with it or not as I have said before scientific and spiritual laws exist even without your belief in them and what you put out you will get back. I do however find it to be a little humorous though, how the universe has a way of delivering its punch lines at the most inopportune time. I suppose this adds to the whole “in your face” element which is cool for the onlooker’s maybe but not so much for the recipient though huh lol

On a real though my life has changed so much in the last few years and that’s purely because I started thinking about what I was thinking about!!! I started taking inventory of my daily thoughts and learnt how to reset my mind which evidently reset my life but that’s a whole other blog. For now I would just like to leave you with this…………………….

“Never make permanent decisions based on a temporary situation”. All actions have a reaction so make sure you have a good reason when you make certain choices in life. That way even if the choice does turn out to be the wrong one you don’t have to live with the regret just reflection which leads to growth and the evolution of self. Feelings are temporary and transient. When you make decisions with your ‘sound mind’ or as I like to say it ‘think with your heart’ and act from a place of love then either way the results will yield LOVE.

Obviously I believe we are meant to make certain mistakes as they have lessons in them that are pertinent to our individual destiny’s but that said a lot of us have been making unnecessary, flippant decisions just through lack of discipline and then sat complaining when we’re reaping the consequences of those choices……if you want to change your life, change your thoughts.

 

Till next Wednesday I shall have to love you and leave you,

#ALWAYSLOVE  <3

 

 

Oh and P.S Sylwena and Daniel guess what my blog was on time just for you guys OKAY!!!! so you can stop now with not so funny jibes or you might find yourselves the talking point of my next blog…. love u guys too lol ;-)