'SAME OL' SAME OL' .....JUST A DIFFERENT FACE !!

So is it true do we all have a ‘type’?

How does attraction work?

Are you just attracted to the same gift but in different wrappers?

I’m saying this because if one goes through a series of failed relationships and the only common denominator is THEM then isnt that indicative of whom the problem lies with?? I’m just saying, I bet this is one time when you’d love to hear that phrase… ‘no its not you babes it’s me’  lol.

And is there at least some kind of reset button we can press in case of emergency when a relationship is malfunctioning or as in most cases stuck on REPEAT?

Its official I seem to have all of the questions but barely any answers and these days the revelations that I do receive seem to be somewhat perplexing and subject to change anyway, which I suppose should be expected considering you can’t have growth without it. But this weeks blog was inspired by a situation that got me thinking..... if our 'situations' aren’t changing then are we really growing?

The other day I got a call from a good friend of mine who was once again experiencing  some relationship troubles. So we decided to go right back to the beginning and looked over all of her past boyfriends right up to present date. Immediately I noticed a striking similarity between ALL of them. Although she had decided now that she was done and dusted with always facing the same problems and was going to go for something completely different i.e. not her ‘usual type’ she still found herself stuck in some sort of groundhogs day …. So whilst on this ambitious quest for change, first she picked a boy from a completely different ethnic background only to find that this relationship started and ended exactly the same way too. At which point she was even more convinced that the age old cliché ‘ALL MEN ARE THE SAME’ was right on the money. Then she chose a guy who aesthetically some would say wasn’t ‘conventionally handsome’ i.e. the complete opposite to her usual ‘pretty boy’ type and suffice to say the results for this brief encounter were the same finally she went for a guy from a completely different social circle who’s likes and interests were so diverse and different to her own in the hopes that he couldn’t possibly mirror her past relationships!! So what do you think happened? Yep history repeated itself but not because ALL guys are the same because unknowingly she had actually PICKED the same characteristics in each guy. She was dating ‘The same Ol’ Same Ol’ but with just a different face,' She was trying to change everyone and everything about her situation apart from HERSELF and If you think about it how many times do we do the same. Reflect back on some of your past relationships can you see any similarities?? between the people you dated? I know for a fact my ex can, he definitely has a type and its ‘not me’ loool….no I’m playing but on a real though his last girlfriend basically was the same ethnicity as me, had the same hairstyle as mine at the time, was born in the same month of the same year, literally 2 days before me. (personally I just think he was trying to clone me and lets be real who wouldn’t want to ha!!) But back to the point, what do you look for in a person? What traits are you attracted to both physically and personality wise?? Obviously if you are already loved up currently then you probably already got it right but for some of us who have checked into 'Singledom' on either a long-term or short term residency these are pivotal questions that we need to be asking ourselves because for one reason or another something isn’t working. Stating the problem is the easy part (well for some of us) but identifying the solution not so much. I think personally it’s because we’re not getting to the root of the problem. We’re cutting off branches/people left right and centre, or in some cases cutting down the whole tree, shouting ‘Timmmmberrr’ and rejoicing prematurely because we think we’ve got rid of the problem. Only we haven’t because we didn’t de-root the tree. So then we stand there looking puzzled when to our amazement the same tree/problem has sprouted up again…..really though??

If you want a BETTER life make BETTER choices…..

If you want a BETTER partner, be a BETTER person…..

If you want to BE loved more, then BE more loving……….. basically whatever you want more of in your life you have to be more of.

Take your last 3 relationships for example and try and find the real reason behind/underneath why they didn’t work out because as much as we would all love to blame the ‘other person’ in reality it’s on US and the sooner we start to take responsibility for that the happier we will be and the more likely we will be to find mutually fulfilling relationships. I’m not saying that on the surface the PROBLEM wasn’t THEM I’m just saying that the SOLUTION is YOU. Ask yourself some questions when you’re lying down at night and no one is around and answer them truthfully. If your last boyfriend/girlfriend was a waste then WHY were you attracted to them? Or WHY did you CHOOSE to love them? And if he/she kept mistreating you then why did YOU choose to stay? You may WANT love but deep down do you think you DESERVE it? If you’re constantly running after people who are running away from you then why do you want what is unattainable? Is it just a way of reinforcing your misguided personal belief that you are not loveable? I think the reason why they say Learn to Love yourself is because you have to do exactly that, LEARN to love yourself. I don’t mean just paying the good old lip service of ‘yeah of course I love myself who wouldn’t’ or hiding behind a false bravado/fake confidence, so no one else knows the truth. I mean TRULY LOVING YOURSELF.

Why do you want what you don’t have? Or if you’re in a relationship out of convenience and you’re just choosing to settle then why do you have what you don’t want? It all boils down to lack of honesty with yourself dig a little deeper.

Because the answer is not in what they did to you it’s in what you’re not doing for yourself….’ITS ALL ABOUT OWNERSHIP’

So I guess the moral of the blog is ‘Know that the onus is on you and watch the tree from which you pick your fruits because an apple can look shiny on the surface but be rotten through and through.’ ©Nia-Jai 2012

 

#ALWAYS LOVE <3