A GRAVE MISTAKE!!

……..And so the GRAVESTONE reads ‘here lies the definition of insanity, one who lived repeating the same behaviour and expecting a different result’ (R-I-P  'mind' 1983-2010)

I’m a clever girl right? I’m emotionally intelligent right? I’m perceptive and more recently I would like to think intuitive also... right??? So why then when it comes to matters of the heart do I feel like I am slightly 'special' shall we say, and should have been kept behind a class or retaken the module heartbreak 101 till I actually passed or better still learnt something!!!

You have to admit it is funny how the wise words of a doting mother can ring in your head over and over again like Sirens ascending in volume because you didn’t heed the advice the first time round but why as young daughters who clearly DONT know better do we insist on thinking we do??? Only to come back with our tails between our legs seeking to be consoled and then looking shocked when we receive the ‘I told you so’ speech. Then we promise ourselves next time we WILL listen because mums actually do know best but low and behold it never really works out that way...does it?? 

Ok maybe that’s just me but I swear sometimes I just want to give my head a wobble just to make sure that there is actually a brain still in there somewhere. I am starting to think however that maybe emotional intelligence and textbook intelligence don’t necessarily go hand in hand or at least they shouldn’t be presumed to, just like some people have textbook intelligence and no common sense. (PS If you took offence to the statement aforementioned then you probably fall into that category don’t ya hahaha)

I just don’t understand why when it comes to emotions all rationale goes out of the window. It’s like my heart can’t seem to get in gear or at least get on the same road as my brain. When it gets excited it shifts straight to fifth and one foot instantly floors the accelerator but my head is screaming ‘what are you doing?’ and my other foot slams on the breaks in an emergency stop. Understandably this has and always does end in a Car Crash, as has most of my relationships pre Christ to be fair because for some reason I would make the same mistake every single time. I would throw caution to the wind and free fall head first (of course) right off the cliff with no thought for consequence, if it FELT good I was involved. Until the last time however, when suddenly I realised a little too late there wouldn’t always be angels to break my fall and I hit the ground HARD!!!

I crashed and I burnt,

Lesson learnt,

I’m not doing that again, no sir

I saw the snakes and the grass aint greener

The other side is dark and the air aint cleaner.

But I’m a warrior Princess I’m like Xena,

Try and pull me down but I’m still gonna keep up,

Heart of a fighter, mind of a leader

NO ONE can call me an Under achiever!!!

Coz even when things turned out for the worse,

I turned it ‘round, made it better for my purse,

And my drive to succeed got fuelled by the hurt

So I decided to used the pain as material for work,

See there’s POWER in my Words

And if Money is Power then you know I’m getting cash returns!!

I said there is POWER IN MY WORDS

And I’m a Lyricist so go figure how much Ima earn………..??????

(NIA-JAI 2012)

You see I had to learn the hard way what I’m trying to share with you now,

‘WITH INSTANT GRATIFICATION COMES GREAT RAMIFICATIONS’ (nia-jai)

and truth be told as ‘happy’ as a mistake might make you at the time, I guarantee the pain of the consequence will make you FEEL ten times worse afterwards. Don’t let your emotions rule you take control of them and understand that ‘happiness’ is fleeting which is why pursuing it seems pointless. It is what you make it and you’ll find it exactly where you are….. it just takes some of us longer to realise, that what we were searching for was right there with us all along.

So in conclusion please don’t be how I was, we don’t just MAKE MISTAKES and they are NOT just something that happens to us on some level subconsciously, whether we recognise it or not there’s a reason why certain things keep happening and you can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it. Dig a little deeper, do some self-analysis and pretty soon I think you’ll find that your quality of life improves. Continually making the same mistakes is truly the definition of insanity…….break the cycle!!!

Till next Wednesday (or Thursday :-/)

#ALWAYS LOVE

xx