…Ur NOT a SINGLE mum…Ur A #SUPAMUM ;-)

Hey Blogsters both Old and New,

What’s good? EVERYTHING I hear you say!!! Lol ;-) Well you don’t have to be a genius to work out what today’s blog is going to be about but before you sigh or switch off thinking this is just another cliché blog ……………….well you should know me better than that by now :-/

So clearly unless you live under a rock or on another planet completely [which let’s face it some of you doJ] you could not have escaped this week without seeing adverts for ‘Mother’s Day’ everywhere you turn (or on everything you turn on) and yes I agree of course in part] it can been seen as a commercial con, a money making scheme, a blah blah blah blah blah…. BUT and yes this is a big ol JLO sized BUT while I agree that mothers should be celebrated all the time and not just confined to one special day in the year, WHO actually said that we have to spend loads of money to mark the occasion??? I don’t celebrate ‘Mummy’s Day’ [as I call it] because everybody else does and I certainly don’t stress myself out thinking that I have to spend money that I don’t have. Just like with any celebration or public holiday I think it’s the people that see it as a problem that generally create ‘a problem’.  Whoa!!!  Before you start disagreeing with me and setting out on a witch hunt, just hear me out first.

No one forces us to go out and spend money or to celebrate a special day or festive holiday…..for those of us that do; we do it because we choose to. Everything in life is a choice and we are fortunate that regardless of how limited ones options may seem when it comes to making that decision, inadvertently it’s still OUR CHOICE. You could choose to spend the one thing that is so coveted in this fast paced, conveyor belt lifestyle that success drags us on…yup YOUR TIME!!! You can have all the time in the world and still feel like it’s not enough, just like you can have all the money in the world and not be satisfied!!! And that’s because in my opinion we all embark on a quest to be happy but few of us realise what that looks like, so even when we find it we don’t recognise it. That need to always want more, do more or show that you have more is all rooted in a place called ‘Lack’. There’s more than enough of everything to go round in the world but some choose to focus on what is lacking in life thus producing more of it, instead of sowing seeds of the very thing you want to see in your life. YES it is that SIMPLE. Life is simple; we [as complex, critical, confused people] COMPLICATE it. If you don’t have money this year to show your Mum how much you care for her then do what my daughter does and show her with LOVE [its free don’t you know] you don’t have to send her on a plush, extortionately priced spa day when you could just give her a massage yourself. You don’t have to freak out trying to book a table at ‘the must be seen at restaurant of the year’ 3 months in advance when you could just cook for her yourself.  For one day of the year you could just wait on her hand and foot like she does or did for you growing up. Do the ‘particular things’ that you know she likes. Actually tell her verbally how much you appreciate the things she does for you and be SPECIFIC. Even if she knows you love her she deserves to hear it, just like you would say thank you to anyone who gives you something. Even if your mum didn’t give you anything growing up, know this…..she gave you the one thing NO ONE ELSE can… she gave birth to you and even if she didn’t raise you, she GAVE YOU LIFE. I am soooooo thankful for my BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL I can’t tell you. She is the MOST compassionate, thoughtful little girl I know (no bias lol) and she has given me the best ‘MUMMY DAYS’ ever. [Some of which have even put me to shame lol.] She doesn’t have money but she has a HEART and a creative spirit and with no exaggeration [I know it’s going to sound corny but it’s the Truth] the gifts that she gives me are ‘priceless’. Caring enough to wake up early to make my tea and bring me breakfast in bed [with specially cut heart shaped toast #family traditionJ], making [my favourite] paper flowers, running my bath with bubbles and candles, giving me a back massage or an ‘Indian head massage’ [that she is actually amazing at] washing up the dishes so that I don’t have to are just the few things off a long list that I could reel off. The point being:

1)    She knows me.

2)    She loves me.

3)    She cares enough to show me.

And nothing that she does involves money, just TIME and LOVE which guess what?? ALL COMES FREE.

With that said I’d just like to take this time to thank GOD not just for my daughter but my son as well [who at this moment is too young to really get involved actively] but showers me with hugs and kisses and most of all LAUGHTER every day. I have never met anyone who can make me smile instantly just by looking at me or having me rolling over in stitches just by the things he comes out with J

I am TRULY BLESSED and to all the single mothers out there who aren’t with their respective partners and who’s children aren’t of a certain age to be able to show you how much they love and appreciate you yet, know this….. You have been given THE GREATEST GIFT in life and even if you haven’t met your husband to be yet or your loving partner you have already received the GIFT OF LOVE.

Real Love is SELFLESS, it’s GIVING, it’s FORGIVING, and it’s UNCONDITIONAL and guess what it is everything you do or are willing to do for your children without question or the need for it to be reciprocated. So don’t focus on what you don’t have on this special day Focus on what you DO and quit calling yourselves SINGLE mums if you have a child/children then you are far from single you already have a family you’re just awaiting the missing piece of the puzzle to COMPLETE that family. And for the WOMEN out there who are able to hold the family together and play the role of MUM and DAD when required I SALUTE you and I dub thee ‘SUPAMUMS’. You have already earned your stripes and your time is coming soon and on behalf of your children who can’t tell you yet, this BLOG is dedicated to you ……YOU ARE AMAZING, YOU ARE BLESSED AND MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU ARE LOVED!!!

#SupaMumsSalute J

Nia-Jai xxx

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ALWAYS LOVE<3

~WHEN WHAT YOU BOUGHT ISN'T WHAT YOU PAID FOR~

''REAL Love begins where Nothing is expected in return...''

Okay so the other day I was listening to a program on T.V about the growth of online shopping, (I say listening because I don’t really watch T.V much, I just had it on as background noise.) and it got me thinking about how frustrating it must be to order something online [and anxiously wait for it,] only to find that it’s not at all what you thought?

When what you bought just ISN’T what you paid for!!

When what you see is NOT what you get!!

When that contractual agreement is NOT what you signed up for!!………………………………….welcome to the era of online shopping.

Here’s the thing we can now shop for clothes, a car, a house, and oh yeah a new body and spouse all at the same time and ALL online lol. The problem is when you’re purchasing something online you can only buy it off face value [worst still ‘Screen value’] which means that, whilst it may look perfect on your laptop, pc or phone screen, you can’t guarantee that’s what you  buy is what you'll get?

Now even for me [as a child of the twenty first century] this is such a bizarre concept to grasp. I know I should be au fait with it all by now but as technology advances at the speed of light, I can’t help but feel I’m getting left behind. [Definitely born in the wrong era] I mean, call me old fashioned but surely something’s should be allowed to happen organically and should not be available to purchase “ONLINE”.

With this in mind I started thinking how daunting it must be to start online dating [especially for those of us who are on the better side of 25 ;-) I mean it’s one thing ordering a dress and then deciding that it’s not a good fit and sending it back, but how does it work with the whole dating sitch…..I imagine there’s no return to sender right?? lol. Anyway, take it from me, as an independent (Not Single lol) mother of two, the thought of getting back into the dating game, definitely does NOT sound appealing. [Especially with all the horror stories that Iv heard from friends] I mean if you thought blind dates were bad back in the day, (when you had friends and family members aka overly concerned aunties) rallying around trying to play Cilla Black at her own game, that’s got nothing on the new age of findMeADate.com where ‘False Advertisement’ and being 'economic with the truth' are required skills for writing a profile lol.

• I love children – (translation) = I have ten baby mama’s
• I’m 5ft 10” – yeah ok more like 5ft 5”
• I have strawberry blonde hair – Oooooh is that the new Ginger then??? (haha I’m playing)

Worse than that though!! are the advertisements that seem authentic and have sold you a dream so much so that you don’t even recognise it’s a nightmare until you wake up. Thinking that a situation is something it’s not just because you wish it was or seeing a person as someone they’re not, until you put your glasses on. Better yet wanting something so much but then when you get it, feeling like it’s not enough.

• When you met her she was an avid gym goer  [because it was the 2^nd of January ]
• When you met him he was driving a Mercedes CLK [because his dad was away on business]
• When you took her out for dinner she told you she was a model [she neglected to mention the word ‘Glamour’]
• Whilst out for lunch he mentioned HIS company [But omitted to say it doesn’t exist yet]

It’s so easy to be disillusioned with a relationship when what you thought it was, it really never was. Just like with anything in life when you’re planning on making an investment you need to be careful where your make your deposits because getting involved with someone under false pretences i.e. liking them for what they look like, what they can do for you, or their social status ,are all superficial reasons that are subject to change and can have you investing in relationships with no returns!!!

Were you really in love with the Person or the PAY CHECK???  Were you attracted to their POWER or their Persona?? Because when you truly love a person for who they really are, I don’t think that a change in circumstance, lifestyle or even attitude will change how you feel about them. You’ll love them regardless. So even if the relationship gets altered or has to come to an end because it has become destructive or non-productive, in the words of one of the greats:

“Love does not alter when an alteration finds” (William Shakespeare)

So if you go out with someone for their, money, social status or asthetics and then find these things suddenly change and so  do your feelings, then yeah sure i guess you could say that  'what you bought into is no longer what you paid for......but,

 “Being in love with some-THING is not the same as being in love with some-ONE.”

Anyway getting back to the point......Clearly I can’t speak for everybody or even the majority of people for that matter, BUT I definitely have some reservations about ‘Hubby Hunting’ or ‘Surfing for spouses’ online.  One reason being that realistically, when did what you look like on paper ever equate to who you really are as a person?  And how is a list of likes and dislikes, pet peeves and preferences indicative of one’s moral, ethical or even spiritual values anyway?

I don’t know but couldn’t it be said, that by selecting dates based on people that “literally” tick all the right boxes you’re just considerably reducing the already shallow dating pool of potential suitors. [Lets be real, post 30 we’re looking at what…. ‘pond status’ and after that I’m backing we’ll be entering ‘puddle territory’ haha haha] Sorry I’m only playing but  I say this because I live this, I’m learning a lot about myself through introspection and so thought I’d share a little with you guys. Feel free to share some insights with me too  #ALLOpinionsWelcome

Till next week,  ease up fellow singletons, embrace the ‘differences’ and start being open to the exciting possibility of ‘change’ because evidently what you think you know or "LIKE"  hasn’t been working for you so far  has it??  :-/  #DontBeAfraid2ChangeItUP

Sometimes the so called ‘differences’ between people can be ‘THE DIFFERENCE’ that makes a couple work don’t you think?

#ALWAYSLOVE <3

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AND I WILL BE STOPPING POSTING ON THIS SITE AS OF NEXT MONTH.....SO COME JOIN ME ON THE OTHERSIDE ;-)

HEY.....JUST ANOTHER LITTLE REMINDER THAT I HAVE MOVED OVER TO WORDPRESS NOW. SO ANYONE TRYING TO FIND MY  BLOGS YOU CAN CHECK THEM OUT ON

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#ALWAYSLOVE

Hey Guys,

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#ALWAYS LOVE <3
Nia-Jai

……BIG MOUTH BUT NO BALLS!!!!

Welcome back readers :-) Happy New Year!!! how have you guys been? Good and recovered from the seasons festivities i hope. I cant lie iv missed venting with you so please feel free to let me know your thoughts and feelings on this one!!! <3

So lately it came to my attention that certain people whilst they may be getting older in age they are most definitely not more mature and it got me thinking?? Why is it that when some people have a problem with you they choose to bitch behind your back instead of just saying what they feel to your face? I mean we all must have encountered this type of person before at one point or another right?!? There is no way that you could have made it through High School without coming across that immature brat that was clearly in need of a b!tch slap!!!!!!  And the joke of it all is that the ones that run their mouth unnecessarily are always the ones that when confronted can’t seem to back it up. I think Jay-z’s lyric sums it up best…. “You know the type Loud as a motorbike but wouldn’t bus a grape in a fruit fight.”

As we all know Insecure people throw ‘In-directs’ because more often than not they don’t have the balls to say what they want to ‘Directly’ (Big Mouth but NO Balls). What I don’t get though is why after doing so they then want to feel sorry for themselves, when they face the shocking realisation that those low (insignificant) blows tend to have boomerang effect #KARMA

Enemies that are loud and ‘Peck your Head’ all the time pose no real threat because just like #Woodpecker’s you know when they’re about so you can remove them before they cause too much damage. (Superficial harm) Hence the saying ‘Never fear the enemy that makes himself known, for he alone will be his own downfall’ but rather watch out for the ones that are trained to camouflage because the enemy that takes up residence within, that pretends to be your friend and builds you up to your face but then tears you down when you’re not around is dangerous!!!! These are the ones that will eat away at your foundations and break you from within without you realising till the damage is done = #Termites

“The one that is with you but not for you…..has the ability to end you.”

So here’s the thing back in the day I used to spend my time confronting set Woodpecker’s and putting them in their place (and believe me I was good at it, bearing in mind that I have  always had a way with words so exchanging them was never a problem for me lol)  However now it just doesn’t relevant anymore. If anything it tickles me, because now I have realised that if false accusations have no truth in them then clearly they don’t need correcting. I no longer fight to prove myself right I’m content with just knowing that I AM and that like it or not, agree with it or not, the TRUTH is absolute and will always precipitate sooner or later irrespective of the level of manipulation people will go to. As the old Buddhist proverb so wisely puts it:-

“If someone offers you the gift of insults and you do not accept that gift, then to whom does the gift belong?”

That being said since receiving that revelation, my life has been a lot more enjoyable let me tell ya. Learning to let things and people go that are not important and not holding onto grudges or taking offence does a happy Mz Manni make hahaha.

My advice for you all this year (2013) would be to take a good look at the company you keep and don’t worry about the woodpeckers that you come across just watch out for the termites and exterminate them when necessary.

Remember that regardless of whether or not you are only reacting to someone else’s poor behaviour, whatsoever YOU sow YOU shall reap!! So think before you speak. Not everything or everyone is worthy of a response so don’t dignify them with one, just #LIVELOVELAUGH and keep moving on!!

Oh and my one suggestion for certain #WOODPECKERS aka angry birds out there is do yourselves a favour and "Drop the Drama already!!!! Because you’re starting to look older but clearly NOT WISER!!!

Love and Blessings to all the REAL people in my life who have done nothing but love and encourage me throughout the last year and for those who didn’t make the cut know this…..

 “It takes a lot to push my buttons but if I swing I won’t miss.”

By pecking away at this Diamond you only made me shine Brighter ©Nia-Jai 2013

#ALWAYSLOVE <3

#23 IS THE MAGIC NUMBER.....MICHAEL JORDAN!!!

Good morning J todays blog is inspired by the GREATMAN himself Michael #23 Jordan. As some of you may know I have been reading M.J’s autobiography “Driven From Within” but what you don’t know is that I am absolutely taken with it. Not just with the level of success he achieved but more so with him as a person. Without going into too much detail (as I wouldn’t want to spoil it for anyone intending on reading it) He himself highlights that ‘Greatness’ can’t be replicated and whilst there may be another player who can play as well as him maybe even better, there will NEVER be another Michael Jordan and I agree because it’s not just about ability it’s about ‘Timing’ and ‘Character’ too. MJ wasn’t trying to be the next best anyone….he was just trying to be the best he could be and in doing so he became great. Therefore can GREATNESS be created or merely harnessed?

I heard once that “…Pressure doesn’t build character it REVEALS it” and it stuck with me because it’s so true. I think it’s the same with GREATNESS, pressure merely reveals it which would imply that it is within us in the first place and not something that we need to acquire but rather something that we need to tap into. For instance take two people with exactly the same ‘ability’ or ‘skill level’ and I reckon their level of success will differ dependent on the factors mentioned above. 
M.J isn’t the best because he can jump the highest or is the tallest player or has never missed a shot….he’s the best because he knew “nothing of value comes without it being earned.” His CHARACTER determined his level of success because it was that, that made him practice later than EVERYBODY else, put in more work than ANYBODY else, put practice before partying and pretty much any other distractions. He was disciplined and “Driven from within” so it didn’t matter what was or wasn’t going on around him because he had set his mind that whatever he chose to do he was going to be the best at and in his pursuit of excellence he reached levels that most could only dream of.

Always willing to go above and beyond what others were is what made him comparable to none. I believe it’s not what you do the ‘SAME’ as everyone it’s what you chose to do ‘DIFFERENTLY.’ I don’t know if you’ve noticed but whenever people are referring to those who are deemed GREAT and they are analysing what made them that way, one of the recurring sentiments is that there was just something DIFFERENT about them something that made them stand apart from everyone else. Your difference is where your gift lays not your similarity.

What are you willing to do that no one else is? Will you stay at work later? Will you do extra shifts to get noticed? Will you be conscientious and look for work to do and not just meet the basic requirements of you? ‘Will you do what it takes to get where you want??’

Half of us have no idea how strong we are or can be until a situation presents itself where it requires us to be. We spend so much time hating the problems that arise and the trials that we are facing that we sometimes fail to see what they are trying to show us either about ourselves or our realities.

So the next trial that has you thinking I can’t do this anymore or that it’s going to break you….just remember WHEN YOU DO SURVIVE that just when you think you can’t go any further you always have an extra 10% to give. Anyone who has ever trained at the gym or is an athlete will know when your body feels like it physically can’t do anymore it can always do an extra lap or push one more rep and it’s what you do at this point that counts more than what it took to get you there, ‘pushing past the burn’ as my personal trainer calls it.

This is where you get results; this is where ‘Greatness’ is revealed. You only have to watch Olympian athletes to see that. Setting your mind will ultimately get you further than any amount of physical strength because the body reaches the limitations that the mind sets.  When you say to yourself ‘ I can’t do it’ you are sending a message to your body that it has to stop….when your body is saying you have to stop but your mind says otherwise the body responds to the messages being sent by the brain and PUSHES further. You see as I have said before the race is won in the mind FIRST once you can conceive it then you can achieve it but whilst a lot of us have heard this phrase time and time again how many of us APPLY it and I don’t mean just for that week…..I mean as a philosophy for life?? It’s not enough to know what you should be doing if you’re not doing it.  

What message are you sending to yourself?? How about the next time you meet a challenge or face a situation that you think is beyond you, you trying telling yourself  that you can do anything you set your mind to and maybe try my philosophy that….

“It IS until it isn’t….. I CAN until I CAN’T”

 

 #Mind-set of a Winner “I call myself a WINNER because I have already won” 

 

Season Greetings Peeps,

#ALWAYS LOVE <3